Monday, April 25, 2005

Something Borrowed

Something Borrowed
Horror by David Kruschke of the San Francisco Bay area.

A woman buys her dress off Ebay; it arrives haunted by its previous owner.

David, I really liked this one because of the simple, relatable premise. Everyone has purchased something off Ebay (or knows someone who has) and wondered who had this item before. The fact you were able to make this into a horror movie idea is great and shows great potential. Being a recent film school grad you are off to a good start.

That said, you need to refine the logline to reflect that story potential. First, I think what you have here is not a horror movie per se, but a supernatural thriller ala’ The Sixth Sense. I think you would be better off marketing it as such.

What’s also good about your logline (though it does need work) is that it is “open” enough to make you want to ask questions about what happens next. That’s good – you want that in your logline. If it were a bad concept then you’d get nothing. The problem is that you didn’t set up the conflict or the consequences:

Is the dress taking over the woman’s life? How?
Is she single and looking to get married someday or does she have a fiancee’?
How can she get the dress to stop? Where does that lead her? (Could be great twist ending).
Why did the dress come to her?

Here’s my take on your logline:

When Nancy buys a wedding dress off Ebay, she discovers its previous owner will haunt her forever unless she brings the woman’s killer to justice.

I hope this helps you. Something Borrowed has a lot of good elements to it. With the right twists and turns this could be a very tight thriller. You get big points from me for original thinking.

Good Job, David!


Gary P said...

Well done David,
I agree with Bill, tying the logline to something easily relatable (Ebay) adds a contemporary element that most people will relate to. This concept is strong enough that it could be played a number of ways, comedy, horror or even a psychological drama (if Nancy is only hearing voices).
WIthout the horror genre specified, I would automatically see it as a comedy, I think Bill would see it as a horror. Either way it gets the reader thinking.

Bill Cunningham said...

So we've heard from Gary and myself - anyone else have an opinion?

The smoking lamp is lit - this is the time for discussion.

GMLumpp said...

I guess my question would be: what is it about Ebay that could make this unique? In reality Ebay is just an online resale store, so you could swap "souvenir store" or "antique shop" and be saying the same thing, it just doesn't have the same sizzle. Maybe if there's a way to include the tech part into it to explain why the Ebay link makes it more unique...otherwise it just reminds me of that short-lived Friday the 13th TV show. I don't mean to be negative, I'm just wondering if the internet aspect could add another dimension.

Bill Cunningham said...

To be honest - the ebay aspect of it reminded me of the sequence in the remake of HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL where the computer had a life of its own and sent eamil invites to all of those people not originally on the list. That's what I was thinking, but maybe David has another track for it...

david kruschke said...

Thank you for all of the comments and interest.

The script came about from the cross between a romantic comedy I wrote about a woman planning her wedding cheaply and an urban legend I heard about a woman who bought a dead woman's dress from a thrift store.

I find the script is most simular to Stir of Echoes.

Although I've already sent it out to several studios as is, any advice is great and will be incorporated.