Wednesday, June 03, 2009

To All Asylum Haters

Just received this in my Google Reader from our pals at The Asylum:

Every couple of months we receive an email that includes some variation of the following:

“Give me back the two hours of my life I wasted watching your movie.”

We don’t mind negative feedback (it’s practically the only kind we get), but this one just bugs me.

For one thing, it’s not clever and it’s not original. In fact, dare I say it… it’s sort of a mockbuster of cinematic criticism. Second, our movies are rarely longer than 90 minutes (they just feel like they’re two hours). And frankly, they don’t usually get any better after the first 15. If you hate the movie and still end up watching the whole thing, I’m sorry… but that’s on you.

So, please don’t ask for refunds of time anymore. Just tell us what you really think, like Jeff, who wrote:

“I hate you please die in a fire”

Now that’s original.


Stephen Blackmoore said...

How is it even possible to hate these movies? They know what they are. They're not having pretensions that they're making fine art. It's pulp for god's sake. It's supposed to be like that.

Man if somebody's having that kind of reaction to Asylum movies they're taking life waaaay too seriously.

Anonymous said...

Between the wonderful trailer for Megashark vs Giant Octopus and now the snarky humor in this email, it may just be time to give the Asylum another chance.

Cunningham said...

Asylum movies are like cigars...not good for you, but damn they take away the ennui rather well.

John Oak Dalton said...

If I had 25 cents for every email I got like that, I would have more money than I made writing 20 D2DVD movies. JOD

Craig Blamer said...

If some more overt humor showed up in their offerings, I might be tempted to rent a few more. Trouble is, if there's any humor at work there, it's meta.

Like releasing a flick called Monster that never gets around to showing the monster. Although I suspect that they just didn't want to spend the money and rationalized that the suckas deserved what they got.