Friday, November 25, 2005

There Are Those Days...

You know when you're wrestling with a story?

Hell, who am I kidding? Wrestling is when there are two competitors. In this case, Story and his cronies have you tied to a chair and they're beating the crap out of you. Character, theme, structure, format - the whole gang - are getting in their licks.

Punch! You're pissing blood.
Kick! There goes a rib.
Crack! Your jaw just broke. You're spitting teeth (and blood).
Another kick! Your balls are in your throat.

And you can't really tell what's going on 'cause the pain is blinding. You can barely see out of your one good fuckin' eye 'cause the other, it's swollen shut. Fact is, your whole face is one big fuckin' punching bag of a bruise, and if this shit keeps up you're going to curl up in a fetal position and wallow in your own feces.

And you think, When is the ref going to call this fight?

Then you realize that there is no referee.
No bell.
No audience cheering.
You're stuck in a dark, wet room all by your lonesome. You and Story and his pals.

And right now, you are Story's bitch (and he's reaching down to unzip his fly).

So as much pain as you're in, as much as it hurts to even breathe, you fuckin' suck in your gut.
You sit up.
Clear your throat.
Spit out the blood and teeth.
You look Story in that cold, smirk of a grin of his and say,

"You hit like a girl."

'Cause you are a fuckin' writer, and you don't lay down and take that shit from anybody.


John Donald Carlucci said...

Well, um, need any help with anything Bill?


JD said...

Now that's my kind of motivation!

James Moran said...


Comin again, to save the motherfuckin DAY YEAH!

Jeff O'Brien said...

ummm, yeah. If Story tells you, you have a "purdy mouth" and the air fills with banjo pickin' - you're done.

Squeal like a pig, write boy!

writergurl said...

My, how muy macho.

'Course, being a girl writer, I have no frame of reference for the 'nads in your throat thing, and "Hit like a girl" hmmm, some of us girls pack a pretty mean punch there slugger.

Now, when it's story looking me in the eye, with his hand on his zipper, I merely sneer, look straight at the crotch and say "Seriously, is THAT all ya got?"


Rock said...


Amen to that!

Jeff O'Brien said...

"Course, being a girl writer, I have no frame of "reference for the 'nads in your throat thing, and "Hit like a girl" hmmm, some of us girls pack a pretty mean punch there slugger."

Oh yeah. A poorly thought out practical joke on a friend of mine led to her beating her fists on my chest. You know, "girly hits". So when I start to laugh she winds up and gives me a right, straight in the nose. Broke the doorframe when she left the room, she slammed the door so hard.

Jeff O'Brien said...

And if we're story's bitch, does that make story MARKET'S bitch? :-)