Conversation Starters for Those Indie Film Parties

If you've spent any time in the film or media business then you're on several lists for parties celebrating someone's indie film  or web series success (the film or web series actually got made instead of being talked to death). If you're new to the game, and a devout pulp mediamaker then you'll want to have a few conversation starters for when you make the rounds to shake hands.

I like to call my conversation starters, 'grenades.'

You throw one of these bon mots into a crowd of film glitterati  (indie or studio) and you are guaranteed to elicit some sort of conversation / argument / debate that is sure to leave your victims knowing who you are and what you stand for...

• The success of your film and whether or not you get fully paid is directly proportional to the size of the budget. The bigger the budget the more likely you aren't going to get paid what you are due from your distributor. 
• Filmmakers should give up trying to screen their films theatrically, but instead use the internet to actually have a financial success instead of a noble financial failure.  After all, there are more computer screens in the world than theater screens. 

• Critical reviews and press have very little bearing on whether or not a film is picked up by a distributor. There are far more critical darlings out there who don't have distribution than there are films which were picked up because of a review. 

• Most indie filmmakers are more concerned about their reviews (thus stroking their ego)  and getting laid than they are building a business that allows them to entertain people for a living. 

• Government funding for films and filmmakers should be dependent upon the financial success of the filmmakers and their films.  In this regard the government should also loan the funding, and not grant the funding. 

• You can't make a cohesive movie without understanding who makes up the audience for the movie. 

• Using Trajan as your movie's poster font means you are a pretentious wanker who's more concerned about looking important than communicating to your audience what your movie's about. 

• I hate (insert name of indie film actor or actress)... or  I hate (insert film type here i.e. "Mumblecore")

• I have no problem with product placement in my movie if it helps it get made and seen. 

So there you have some of the grenades I use to light the conversation fuse (or cull the herd - depends on the situation).  Can you think of some others?  Add them to the comments. 

Remember, take no prisoners...