Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Catching My Breath...

It has been one hell of a couple of weeks, and I am looking forward to the holidays where I can collapse and get something resembling sleep.

For those of you who don't know already, my mother has been in the hospital for the past couple of days having 4 ft. of her intestines removed and a herniation repair. With two surgeons and an extra 2 hrs. on the table she came out a-okay and is finally out of the hospital ICU and in her own room.

I, of course have been stuck here performing my duties for my clients at AFM.

(Long intake then exhale of air)

Several of you have asked, and no there hasn't been anything surprising at AFM, except for maybe what passes as acceptable behavior on the part of producers, and what they consider to be a "commercial" project. A-mazing.

Producers: (title given with tongue firmly wedged in cheek)

- Deodorant is not an option.
- No, you don't look hip and cool in that t-shirt. Or that ice cream suit with lime shirt. Or that hat. Or that spandex that says"Camel Toes R Us."
- Honey, put your plastic boobs back in the bra. I ain't buying your movie.
- Get a haircut. After you first wash that greasy mop. And shave while you're at it.
- I don't care if they were on "One Tree Hill" (in the background) they are NOT a star.
- Relax. Just tell me what your movie is about -not its "themes, motifs or breath-taking locations." Your story is what hooks me. Nothing else.
- Yes, your key art is ugly.
- Everyone has a project. No one has a script, a budget, or a cast. No one has done their homework.
- No, I don't like your title (Somebody said their werewolf picture was called FOUR DAYS -- for the 4 days a month of a full moon. When I pointed out that there was only one true full moon per month and two 98% moons (one before and one after) he said nothing and walked away).
- Japan makes (and sells) a lot of movies that will never get any play here in the states. No judgments made with that statement just the facts.
- More and more people are shooting HD. It is not a selling point. I mean really - who cares? It's great for technically-minded folks, but not for sales people.
- No, I will not give you free advice on how to fix your poster after you've seen our portfolio, and know that we deliver.
- I said "no." You can leave now.

More later...with a post about how "pulp filmmaking is taking over the UK."


Emily Blake said...

But what if I have really nice boobs? Are you SURE you won't buy my movie?

Cunningham said...

Emily...I don't get my honey where I get my money.

Curt Purcell said...

Best wishes on your mother's recovery.